Amsterdam Knowledge Base
Dating the Dutch|
If some of the posts to Expatica's discussion forum are
anything to go by, dating the Dutch should carry a health warning,
writes Cormac Mac Ruairi.
Expatriates in the Netherlands aren't shy about voicing
negative opinions concerning romantic encounters with the Dutch.
Pages of posts in Expatica's discussion forums brand Dutch
women as rude and aloof. It would seem they wouldn't even nudge
a foreign Casanova with a barge poll.
The problem with Dutch women?
Dutch lassies are described as big bummed, hard-nosed, masculine,
looks- and money-orientated specimens. They go out in mass and
avoid one-on-one dates like the plague.
Some would-be lovers bitterly lament:
"If she's Dutch you don't stand a chance unless you
look like a model ? a good looking Dutch girl will not go out
with anybody who she considers below her looks-wise," says
"?Dutch women here are rude, arrogant and unfriendly.
They do not wish to communicate with people outside their own
circle of friends. They have this idea that they are among 'the
most beautiful women upon earth," according to another.
The problems don't end even when you manage to break down
their initial barriers. "It isn't uncommon for a Dutch woman
in a night-club to let things get really hot before mentioning
casually that she has a steady boyfriend," according to
a guy 'who's been there'.
On the other hand, forget to make a big fuss about their
birthday and you've dug your own grave. "Dutch women tend
to be obsessive about remembering birthdays," a happily
married Englishman noted ruefully.
They are always right about every subject and, unusually
for the Netherlands, discussion is not an option. "We were
planning to have a civil wedding and I was waiting for the right
moment to tell my very Catholic mother. Instead, my partner announced
to my parents that the ceremony would be performed by a Sufi
master. There was a real cold war for a while but we ended up
getting married in church and my partner wrote the ceremony herself,"
says an Irish expat.
But what about the men?
Dutch men seem more prepared to date foreigners, so they
must be a good match for expats, right?
Not necessarily so, say about 50-percent of the ladies who
spoke to Expatica. Dutch men tend to be boring, unimaginative
and have an aversion to making 'real' contact.
The only thing they have really taken to heart is 'going
Dutch', warns a New Zealander. So ladies, when he asks you out
to dinner, don't forget your wallet. And don't expect him to
hold doors open for you either.
If that is not enough, there is a post on the Expatica site
about the guy who asked his dating partner for her friend's number.
Another one tells how a guy who "forgot" about his
significant other when she went on holiday to the UK. He was
too busy painting the house.
Expat dating can?t be all bad, could it?
However, not all expats accept this rather unflattering
view of their trysts with the Dutch. The women at least are,
according to numerous well-placed sources, great lovers and kind
souls to boot.
Are we too sensitive? "You have to bear in mind that
there are cultural differences and misunderstanding can easily
arise when dating someone new. You have to have a relaxed attitude
and don't expect her to act exactly like the girls back home,"
says an American philosopher.
But wait a minute. If the problem comes down to a culture
clash, our Expati